Tuesday, September 27, 2011

being honest

Today has been rough.
I don’t even know why really.
It’s raining & it’s Monday-which obviously doesn’t help my sour mood.

I get down on myself sometimes and it’s hard to pull out of it.
Today I feel so caught up in my boring, mundane schedule. I just want to break out of it. My job requires me to do the same thing every day, week after week, and I just get tired of it. I am a person who likes flexibility and spontaneity-but I’m limited by my 8-5 work schedule. 
I think this is one of the main reasons I hate my job.

When I was walking into work today this saying popped into my head.
 It goes; “life is too short to do anything but what makes you happy.”
I mean, that’s a true statement, right?

I have been working here for nearly 8 months. Eight. Months.

Have I been happy? Am I currently happy here? Obviously not, or I wouldn't always be writing/thinking/dealing with this constant struggle.

However, sometimes I feel that there is a reason I am here-in this place.
In life, things aren't always peaches & fairies. I know that sometimes we just have to suck it up and do things we don't really feel like doing. At all.

We moved here so Kevin could go to school. God told us this was His plan. I knew this was the right thing, and that I needed a job to help support us during this time.

So where do I draw the line between me doing what I want to do based on my emotions, and what I know I should be doing in order to support our well-being?

Where is that line? Is there even a line at all?

I wish I could do something that satisfies both of these needs. Something that could earn us an income while making me satisfied and content in my heart. I am just so limited in what I’m able to do in this small town-with my even smaller resume.

I am asking God to help me be gracious for this place He has put me, but also be open to other opportunities that He might have for me.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

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