Tuesday, October 29, 2013

rainbow light

Sometimes, when the light comes through our window just right, a little rainbow dances on our wall. And out of all the pictures and prints and post cards hung up, it appears right over my favorite place in the world.
There's no place like home.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

out of the mouths of babes

2 weeks after arriving in NZ I found a job looking after 2 little boys. Being a nanny in a foreign country has been fun so far, but not without a learning curve. These scrawny little kids have taught me more about their home and culture than ever could have learned on my own. Some of these things include;

Teaching me about the popular sports of NZ; rugby and cricket. According to the 7 year old rugby is, "a game where there's a ball and they tackle each other."

Rice crispies (ya know, the delicious cereal) are actually Rice bubbles, because crispies are chips and chips are french fries. Confused yet?

When a 5 year old says he "can't find his rubber" it's not what your dirty American mind thinks, he's just misplaced his eraser.

Oh, and when they are hurt and ask for a 'plaster' that's a band aid, not wall goop you use to fill in nail holes.

Legos, even though having multiple boxes of them, are simply called Lego. No S, Lindsey! LEGO! (to which I always want to respond with, "my ego?")

A jacket is a jumper (Thanks, Harry Potter, I knew that one!)

And one of my favorite occurrences happened one afternoon when an small earthquake rattled the house. Me, being the northeastern girl that I am, just thought it was a big gust of wind.
"Nope, that was definitely an earthquake. Don't you know, Lindsey?"
No, I guess I don't know.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

nesting dolls

I was here
and then you came
and you were mostly you
but partly me as well
and then she came
and she was both her and us
we kept adding to each other like that
bits of you, and bits of me, and bits of us
to create the us that we are today
and where ever I am
I carry pieces of you along
because I have you in me
and I am in you
and I could never lose it
even if I wanted to

Tuesday, October 1, 2013



noun \ī-ˈden-tə-tē, ə-, -ˈde-nə-\
: who someone is : the name of a person
: the qualities, beliefs, etc., that make a particular person or group different from others

this word, identity, has been on my heart lately.
maybe because I'm 10,000 miles from home and for the first time in my life living in a country where I know less people than I have fingers. (and yes, I have the normal amount of fingers)

I've found myself questioning my own identity. Who am I, really? What are my strengths, my weaknesses, my defining qualities?

Moving to a far & distant place with little or no friends gives you the chance to completely and totally reinvent yourself. This was a prominent thought in my head when coming here. It was new, exciting-- a blank page in a cluttered notebook.

And I think I have reinvented myself in certain ways. Little things, like picking shoes I never would've bought back home. They're not my style? Who says? No one knows me- they don't know I wouldn't normally wear these BA black pleather shoes. So I bought them. And after about the 16th time wearing them I started to feel less like a poser and a bit more like myself, just in cooler shoes.

So yeah, the whole reinventing thing is awesome and totally invigorating. But I think I got a bit carried away with it. Because I started questioning things deeper than shoe preference. My whole persona, really. Its like I became a stranger even to myself. I woke up in a completely foreign place, with no long term plan, and no clue how I got here. It was suddenly and completely alarming. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under my feet, leaving me disoriented and a bit confused.

So here's the truth; plain and simple.
I don't completely know who I am.
I don't completely know what I want.
and I don't at all know where I'm going.

But I do know that my trust, my hope, my entire being rests in my creator.

He knows who I am-completely.
[For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb Psalm 139:13]

He knows what I want-completely.
[Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4]
And He definitely knows where I'm going.
[In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9]

Resting in these promises & my identity in him.
& hoping to figure this whole shoe/identity thing out in due time.